mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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