Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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