I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
