This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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