I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
