Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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