i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I love you. Go after that dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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