maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
