dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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