Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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