Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
