You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize