he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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