Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
