We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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