Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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