chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The best revenge is premature balding
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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