You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
