I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
