That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
