One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
