chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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