I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
