I haven't been this sober since birth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
