he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
