I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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