I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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