So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
