We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish i was in the wii world.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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