i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They should really pass out barf bags in church
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
