Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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