Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
