Can Purell be used as lube?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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