Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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