I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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