Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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