i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
