he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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