Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
two words: eviction party
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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