i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
