I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
