you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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