Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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