do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
