thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
