I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
