Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's like God shit irony all over that family
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
