You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
