That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
