Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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