mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
