New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
