My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
