This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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