I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
