He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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