She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
