The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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