my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
