she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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