a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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