i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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