Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
