I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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