I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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